The title is dramatic, but this is just about an in-game archetype sort of thing.
I’ve talked a lot in the past about how Uma Musume takes recognizable archetypes as a starting point, but something understated is that within the context of the franchise itself, different kinds of runners paint different archetypes too.
Stayers (long distance) tend to be very patient or with less explosive personalities, sprinters are capital I Idiots unless they’re based on fillies in which case they’re capital R Refined, Milers are very ideosyncratic and individualistic but not as much as dirt runners…
Like every stereotype it’s not a perfect comparison. Believe isn’t an idiot but I don’t know if I’d call her “refined”, Hishi Akebono can be goofy but I wouldn’t call her an idiot, Gold Ship isn’t explosive in the same way that a die is all 6s if you roll it enough times, and so forth.
You can even make arguments for what being a winner for a specific race says about you, but that one’s a bit flimsier the more you interrogate it.
Regardless, you get the point, the franchise has built its own internal language of what characters are depending on running type and what you could expect from them. But there’s a certain one of these that I feel doesn’t get enough attention…
Namely, that being a (canonical) Triple Crown (or Triple Tiara) winner means there’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong or broken about you.
Power Trios like JAM, the ’99 Generation and BNW are painted as being all part of a relatively healthy dynamic where everyone pushes each other towards improving. To be a double-crown winner is always painted as tantamount to being At Risk of something deeply concerning like with Air Shakur, even characters that aren’t as directly affected by the phenomenon feel the effect, like Buena Vista.
And the Triple Crown (or Tiara) winners? Well…
Let’s take them in order.
St. Lite isn’t anything too egregious at a glance, but she definitely stands out if you compare her in her scenario to Speed Symboli or Haiseiko. Like, the others are eccentric the normal way and then St. Lite’s regal manner sticks out.
Mr. CB is pleasant enough on her own, but she has a level of dettachment from everything that goes from zen to concerning depending on who you ask.
Symboli Rudolf in her racing days is always painted as a scary beast that’s basically a different character at this point.
Mejiro Ramone is chronically bored with anything that’s not racing and at point it’s like she keeps trying to chase the high that running gives her.
Narita Brian‘s Triple Crown is usually framed like a cosmic tantrum, like she’s protesting against the world for how she won’t be able to run against Hayahide anymore. Big fan of how it was depicted in Star Blossom in particular.
In contrast to that, Still In Love is a very normal babygirl that just gets a little excited when running.
Gentildonna is a genetic freak and not normal, so she should be measured the way Dragon Ball characters are measured.
Orfevre is basically borderline non-verbal and regrettably can back up her trash talk five times over.
And Daring Tact is very normal if you don’t count the fact she wrestles bears.
Now, the more observant among you might notice I skipped a name, while the EVEN MORE observant among you have realized where I’m going with this.
I don’t have any immediate plans to write a highlight on Almond Eye (not that I dislike her, there’s just other girls I find more interesting to write about first) but if I did, her posts would revolve around how her character and her story highlight this… other level that one has to exist in to be a Triple Crown/Tiara Winner.
By the way, if one wants to be pedantic, the “Tiara” is actually “Triple Crown for Fillies”, but I’m using the game’s term to shorten it.
For those that aren’t familiar with Almond Eye beyond her Oshi no Ko-ass eyes, she’s also known as Cucumber KyunKanBa (九冠馬) or “Nine Crown Horse” because on top of winning the Triple Tiara, she also won six extra G1s.
However, in-game, Ai-chan is as normal as an Uma Musume can be. In terms of what comes naturally to her she’s not especially fast or strong or physically fit or charismatic or smart or observant or curious or introspective. She, however, exceeds in a single element beyond the rest of the cast…
Saltiness.
Girl is the biggest sore loser to ever live and it’s not even close.
She’s the kind that will get a perfect score in a test not because you told her she couldn’t do it, but because she imagined you saying that she couldn’t do it and now she has to prove that non-existent version of you that she made in her head that you’re wrong! WRONG! Except that if you’ll remember she’s not particularly smart, so she’ll break her brain to ace the test while also not sleeping or eating in the process.
And so the most interesting part of her scenario to me is that while her tale of her pushing her own limits past the breaking point repeatedly really endears you to her, it also highlights how… superhuman the rest of the Crown/Tiara bearers are. For everyone else the toll is something more directly mental. They’re built so different that the physical element is a footnote at best. While Ai-chan ends up in the hospital yet again.
Though yes, that level of saltiness being so superhuman DOES make her fit the “curse”‘s archetype. But setting that aside for a moment, it is a fun way to highlight this factor in those that came before and after her.
I can easily imagine people not being aware that this is as much of a thing playing her scenario and going “Ohhhh…”.
By the way, nobody tell Ai-chan I feel more compelled to write about Lala than about her.