This is a tangent that has been skirted twice, so let’s get to it.
Pilsudski is an Irish racehorse and a real globetrotter while at it. During his active career he ran in Great Britain, Germany, France, Canada, and Japan. If there was an international race there was an attempt for Pilsudski to run it, he even got second place in the Prix L’arc de Triomphe twice (which is no mean feat, since Japan has been the only non European country to get to second place there).
I can’t go into much detail about each race because… I’m not as familiar with European races outside of the one I had to do research about, but for the sake of being thorough here’s a list of the ones he won:
- The Großer Preis von Baden (Baden Grand Prix) of Germany (no shit) in 1996
- The Breeder’s Cup Turf (often shortened to BC Turf in Japan) in Canada in 1996 (apparently the race itself shifts location and it’s usually in the US)
- The Eclipse Stakes of England in 1997
- The Irish Champion Stakes of… get this: Ireland, in 1997
- The Champion Stakes of England in 1997
And the last one which we’ll leave up in the air for the briefest of moments.
Pilsudski was actually originally retired to Japan, but the performance of his offspring wasn’t what was expected so he returned to Ireland where he’s been siring Steeplechase (obstacle course) horses.
But let’s go back to the list earlier.
Pilsudski decided to retire as a shocking amount of foreign horses do: By challenging the Japan Cup.
Now, on a bit of a sidenote, the Japan Cup has this drama to itself in how despite carrying the name of the country most of the winners tend to be foreign horses. The whole push and pull of Special Week’s Japan Cup victory comes from how Montjeau defeated a Japanese horse back in France (El Condor Pasa) and was now coming to Japan to get a victory in their soil.
Hell, Katsuragi Ace’s big moment was when he won the 1984 Japan Cup, not only was this the first victory Japan had ever had in the Japan Cup by then, but he also won against Symboli Rudolf. A horse that was deemed a failure as early as his debut just got a victory in the race named after his country while also winning against the menace that was Symboli Rudolf.
People that were considering suicide felt encouraged by that victory, it was that big of a deal.
I mention all this to set up the mood for the fact that whenever there’s a one on one confrontation in the Japan Cup with a Japanese horse the stakes are high.
And who was the horse in the frontline of this story?
That would be Air Groove.
Air Groove got her nickname of “The Empress” because after trying the triple tiara rotation she went to play with the boys and even when she didn’t win she didn’t make victory any easier. In fact in a career that includes races such as Takrazuka Kinen against Silence Suzuka, a different Japan Cup against El Condor Pasa, a Tenno Sho against Bubblegum Fellow and so on, she only ever got below 3rd place twice.
She was gonna enter the 1997 Japan Cup and she was gonna be noticed.
…in fact it’s safe to say that Pilsudski noticed her because if there’s one thing the 1997 Japan Cup is known for is the fact that Pilsudski had an erection.
Now, horse boners aren’t a weird thing to happen, in fact, boners aren’t that hard to happen, really. As any penis-haver reading this could attest to, sometimes all you gotta do is yawn one too many times and you’re pitching tent.
But horse racing is a gambling sport, and gambling sports are full of superstition, and one of the maxims nobody questions and it’s not really something anyone in their right mind would try to scientifically prove is that if a horse is showing his fighting spirit, that means not enough blood is going elsewhere and the horse will be slower, and so the bets in favor of Pilsudski massively shifted around when this was noticed.
The race starts and it’s a normal race, for as hilarious as the idea of Pilsudski chasing the source of his boner is, it was in the end one hell of a race… one that Pilsudski WON.
And so we top off the list up there with…
- Japan Cup in 1997
Now, why bring this up?
Well, during the post about old profiles, I alluded to how Air Groove’s old profile mentioned she hated men from “Something traumatic during a race” and uh… yeah.
Now, before I start throwing rocks inside this glass house I’m gonna be clear that I have very low tolerance for dudes, men exhaust me and require too much mental effort for me to handle. That said even with that in mind I’ve never been a fan of the “man-hater” archetype in media and the simple reason is that the type often shows up in men-oriented media and the result is that you just end up with an excuse to have a femdom character that’s held back by the excuse that it’s not all about femdom.
At face value, Air Groove’s character moving past this stage (she’s strict with everyone instead of hating men specifically) not only frees her to make her character about more, but it also frees Pilsudski from that shadow in Uma Musume. It’s safe to say that Pilsudski exists in the Uma Musume world and if so she should be granted the same amount of dignity as every other character no matter how heinous.
…but you can see also the weird contradiction that having that bit in Air Groove’s profile brings, right? She hates men from something traumatic in a race, but Pilsudski would be a girl (meaning a hypothetical fully-equipped Pilsu-chan wouldn’t be the negative association), but the bit in the profile clearly references this situation so is it implying Air Groove got molested before? Did a superhuman streaker chase her in the field since it was DURING the race? WHAT DID THEY MEAN BY THIS?
The trait would also be redundant because the game already HAS Mejiro Dober be the man-hater and that’s a trait that’s actually treated well because she’s basically just an awkward girl that doesn’t know how to talk to boys and her only exposure is shoujo manga.
And you wanna know how the game deals with this Japan Cup incident? IT DOESN’T!! Air Groove’s training career ends at the Autumn Tenno Sho she did win because yeah that’s a better note to end the whole career on.
Now, I don’t want you to leave this post thinking I’m some super self-serious critic. While I’m taking the cool-headed stance in this whole analysis there’s nothing I find funnier than the word boner, and dick jokes, and ESPECIALLY men getting hit in the crotch. I have an immature sense of humor and watching that Japan Cup video with the mental image of someone being chased by a horse with a boner and the horse still winning (being the first to come, even) is the most hilarious thing ever. The fact that so many bets were moved because of this only for him to win is the detail that really sells the comedy, really.
And so I come to the actual punchline of this post.
You might’ve read “Irish horse” and thought “oh, like Fine Motion” and you have no idea how right you are, in fact, Fine Motion and Pilsudski SHARE THE SAME MOTHER MEANING IN-GAME PILSUDSKI WOULD BE FINE MOTION’S SISTER.
AND YOU DO REMEMBER WHO’S AIR GROOVE’S ROOMMATE, RIGHT?
Fine Motion’s Bond 5 unlock also alludes to this, thanks to Step via inbox for pointing where that info was.